being loved and loved a person

Well, I left my blog so long and let it being lonely here. Sorry to you my dear blog. ‘What is love? What is marriage?’ would be my topic today. What really frightened me was love isn’t that eternal as we thought of. It can be so fragile if you are not careful enough. What I’ve gone through in these two years was I’ve tried to love someone. I felt that it was a great thing when you can be with your loved ones. However, I did notice that loving someone is also suffering. What sort of suffering? If you were girl, I’m sure you will understand why I said so. I loved him but I did know I loved him more than he did. He hurt me more than he cheered me up. I was in a mess and sometimes was emotionally pressured by his characters. What I did seem to be wrong to him. What I did seem to be not enough to show that I love him. I tried my best to cheer him up but I failed. I even did things I don’t like to cheer him up. I was totally changed and I found my characteristics at that time were weird sometimes but not at all. It’s been a hard time for me to be together with him. If he were to cheer me up is absolutely in his finger tip. Most of the time he won’t be with me, once he gets me out for a walk, I would and could smile and mumbling in the whole week that he actually brought me for a walk. Isn’t this sound stupid? Even my ever first valentine, I could be smiling the whole day just because he spent the entire day with me and without receiving even a card from him. I could just be so … Can I say I was ‘naive’? Perhaps I was… After sometime, I really struggled from the period I broke up with him. I struggled and struggled, I didn’t even know what I can do. I was hoping everyday that he might have turn back to me one day. I was wrong and totally defeated by him. I never have had these experiences. Until one day, I met this guy, who has become my current boyfriend, I was still in dilemma. I didn’t know whether at that time was a proper time for me to start a relationship with him or not just because I still couldn’t leave my ex out of mind. I was feeling pressured at that time. After couple of months, I realised something. I really saw his love. I saw his kindness, I saw his caring. I was really touched by him. I was once sick at night. It was about 3 o’clock in the morning. I supposed to have asked my parents or siblings for help but I just dare not to do so. I called him up. He was in his sleep at that time, he was frightened when I told him I was suffering because of sickness. Never he thought of the time and the distance he has to travel to my house, he just said, ‘ wait for me, I’ll reach in the fastest moment!’ In half an hour, he reached and he picked me up to go for a 24-hour clinic. In the journey to the clinic he asked for my condition and kept telling me that ‘we will reach the clinic in just a moment!’ He looked more worried than I myself. He went to get some bread for me and later on he fed me with my medicines. In a sudden, I felt so sorry to him. I was thinking whether I should continue the relationship with him, this is what I thought in the first couple of months. I was so sorry to him after that incident. I tried to love him as I can. Yet, I know I am still not loving him like he does. I will try my best. I realise now that being loved is much easier, much happier and much joy that we get. I never been so care by anyone even my parents. He really takes care of me in every specific thing I do, I like and my don’ts. I live happier now. No suffering, but enjoying. Get a person who loves us more than we do, surely you will live easier life and earn a happier smile. I like these feelings. I am addicted with being loved. Aren’t you hoping the same?